ROUND 11
INGLE FARM vs COVE
WALKLEY PARK
SUNDAY, JULY 17th, 2005

FARM BEAT UNDEFEATED COVE - NEIL INJURED AFTER 26 SECONDS..

Ingle Farm C's defeated the previously all conquering Cove 2 - 1 in a very hard match at home on a sunny winters day. The Cove must have thought this was going to be an easy game as they failed to bring any subs with them.

A strong Farm team, still missing Juan, Richard, Shaqi and yours truly, started with 3 subs after picking up Adrian Plowman from the B's.

We kicked off and they forced a corner after only 26 seconds and Neil found this too much to take and fell over without getting any stats, and had to be carried off, more with embarrassment than injury. So on comes Kanu, and me with a knee injury, now has to run the bloody line.

The game is pretty much a midfield arm wrestle with nothing happening in front of goals. Then we win a corner. Vinnie Beckham sends a Premier League cross into the box for Scotty to smash into the back of the net after Adrian's "high jump" failed to meet the ball. 1 - 0 Farm.

The Cove continue to push at our defence only for one of the most embarrassing goals ever seen to occur as the unknown defender (who's name rhymes with Brendan) pushes the ball back to keeper Richard Bales (yes we had a real keeper) who does his best Dudek impersonation and kicks the living shit out of a passing fly but fails to touch the ball and watches it run towards the empty net as the Cove forward then taps it into the net. 1 - 1 and heads drop.

Five minutes later Scotty Collins is injured in a hard tackle and is also taken off and replaced with JJ. The score remains 1 - 1 till half time. I had to run from the other side of the pitch to the team talk as there were ORANGES to be eaten and I didn't want to miss out as I had no breakfast.

A quick word in Vinnie's ear and a few changes were made as Vinnie pressed home how important the game was. The game was more open in the second half as both teams were pushing for the winning goal.

I could see Kanu could only run on one leg, when will these youngsters realise that warming up doesn't mean putting an extra jumper on!!! With Kingy running the midfield Vinnie is finally put through and forces the keeper to make a move only for Vinnie to roll the ball into the net off the post 2 - 1 Farm.

The Cove then threw everything at us as they attacked for the equaliser, and broke through the offside trap to be one on one with the keeper only for Dudek to redeem himself and pull off a great save. The defence stood hard as the Cove attacked hard for the last 10 minutes but we hung on for a great 2 - 1 win, and continue our undefeated run of 9 games.

Apart from the Dudek special, we kept the Cove to only 2 shots on goal and in what was a relatively clean match. The defence held up very well and our few chances were taken well.

Best players included Vinnie, Brendan, Kingy and Lee. I tried to put Neil in the best but his stats just didn't show how hard he worked in those 26 seconds.

The bad news is we picked up 3 injuries, that could all be 3 - 4 week propositions, and with myself still not sure when I can play, we may need to send a search party out to find Shaqi who was last seen trying to find his car in the TTP car park. Life as a linesman is not an easy one as you get abused by both teams, but at least we had ORANGES.

Special thanks to who ever brought the ORANGES and to Team Manager Paul Brown who shouted us all a beer after the game.

Well done lads....

ROUND 12
INGLE FARM vs LIMNOS
WALKLEY PARK
SUNDAY, JULY 24th, 2005

The C team entertained Limnos at home this week, on what turned out to be another beautiful sunny winters day, with the Farm on a run of 9 games undefeated.

There was a large crowd on hand and every one seemed to be there.... Vinnie was there scrutinising on his team positions using the white board as if he was a school teacher..

Graham Scott was there, 8 weeks ago he stated he would not play another game until the Hawks won a game of AFL!!.. good to see ya back Scotty....

Mark Williams was there, trying to get some coaching tips on how to make his own team win 2 in a row..

Jason Walker was there.. all the way from QLD, where rumour has it, he has failed to score in any way or form.

Richard Bales had even return to play "pretend keeper" for another week and practice his pirouettes between the sticks.

Rumour also had it that Bec and Leyton were going to drop in on there way to there
romantic honeymoon at Smithfield. Even the koala's came out for a look as they knew they were in no danger of being hit as Mark Faulkner was in the B's.

There was also fruit and veg stand built with plenty of oranges on hand for both players and supporters...

It seems everyone and anyone was there EXCEPT the F@#$ING LIMNOS team... That right, after seeing how we beat the previously undefeated Cove the week before they shit themselves and decided not to turn up.

So the Mighty C's now go 10 games undefeated and increase their gap to 3rd to 4 points. The game was shorter than Neil's appearance last week!!

ROUND 13
MODBURY VISTA vs INGLE FARM
WYNN VALE
SUNDAY, JULY 31st, 2005

The first thing I noticed as I rocked up at 11:00 (hoping not to be roped into going in goals) was not that Graham Scott was wearing the keepers top, nor was it that Brian had come out of retirement, nor that Kanu had brought his boyfriend to the game nor was it the small sloping pitch, nor the large crowd, BUT the fact that Juan had his hair in pony tails..!! Whats all that about?

So we had to play on the kiddies pitch as the juniors had the big pitch, whats all that about, but we didn't want Belly starting a fights with any of the juniors moms in case he took that as fore play.

We looked to have another strong line up with Cookie having a kick with us and Brian Toomer having a run. Still no sign of Shak who is rumoured to have been trying out for Aust Idol. So we had 15 players, but only 14 shirts, so last one in misses out... remember that guys.. there will weeks when we have 16 players so get there LATE and you wont get a shirt!!!

I did my team bit and volunteered to run the line, or walk the line as the Vista team forgot to use my half of the pitch as we passed the ball around with full authority, putting up to 20 passes together but forgetting the object of the game, and that is to shoot and score.

So 15 minutes went by before we had a shot that hit the fence on the full. Then out of nowhere a corner kick flies across and Scotty lets the ball slide off his head and no one bothers with it only for the ball to end up in the net.

Then amazing scenes as the Vista keeper decides he bored and goes for a run to get the ball only for Scotty to out muscle him for the ball and while facing the wrong way and about 25 yards out, turns and then fires a lofted shot back over the keeper and all defenders in to the back of the net, and caps it off with a nice run around the park imitating an aeroplane... 2 - 0 Farm.

This is how it stayed till half time, and after a quick word in Vinnies ear, he makes a few changes after giving the lads a bit of a kick in the arse. But the good news is there were ORANGES for all and I grabbed my share.

The second half kicked off and it was turning out to be the Scotty show, as he tapped in his 3rd from 2 yards out (only just) and then minutes later blasted in his 4th to make it 4 - 0. Vinnie had to then drag him after he put one on the road. The Farm were totally on top with stand in keeper Graham Scott left at one end feeding the Galahs and wondering where he
left his smokes.

Then Vinnie scores to make it 5 - 0 and Kingy falls over in the box for a penalty. With the crowd chanting "Scotty Scotty Scotty".. Scotty Collins got a bit excited as he ran to get the ball to only find it was Graham Scott who the crowd wanted and the keeper duly slotted in the 6th goal.

The only thing left was to wonder if Kanu got the Vista keepers phone number after chatting to him all game! An all round great team performance with the defence looking like they could have played again as they hardly touched the ball, although Brendan seemed to gather Scotty West stats while doing nothing!

Best players, Vinnie, Kingy, Brendan and Scotty after his only 4 touches resulted in goals. The Spanish boys looked better value after they were moved to defence (Juan) and midfield (Alex.)

Great clean sheet by Graeme Scott who may be looking for a call up to the B's or A's. No sign of Richard though, our top scorer to date with 9 who now has Scotty with 8 and Vinnie a long way back with ONLY 3

With all three teams at Vista it was good to see plenty of support and sledging for the lads, as we now go 11 games undefeated, and finally keep a clean sheet without Neil "26 second-man" and myself playing. How can Graham Johncock play AFL after breaking his leg 8 weeks ago yet I still cant run after 5 weeks!!!!!

ROUND 14
INGLE FARM vs PONTIAN
WALKLEY PARK
SUNDAY, AUGUST 7th, 2005

On another summers day (when will it rain) the Farm entertained Pontian, well nearly... Pontian decided not to bring a full team to visit us, obviously they haven't been reading my reports otherwise they would have known we were undefeated in 11 and have won 6 in a row!!! More about the game later.

Upon my arrival, I hear Richard "Dudek" Bales whinging about how Graham Scott got to take a penalty last week as keeper, and wished that was himself as he's never scored (and never will). Well, as fortune would have it... 73rd minute mark a Vinnie shot is stopped on the line by the arm of the Pontian defender and Richard, now the happiest man on the park, as he runs the full 100 meters to get to the penalty spot. A hush went over the ground as time seemed to stand still, as he slowly placed the ball on to the spot.

The Pontian players argued that the ball was not on the spot, but the referee didn't understand them and waived them away. All but the 2 Farm defenders were around the 18 yard box willing the ball into the net as Richard stepped out his run up, 5 yards , 10 yards 15 yards.. He looked the Pontian keeper dead in the eye, as if he was making love to him, then slowly started his run up like a B52 bomber trying to take off from a very short run way.

Then "woosh" as his right boot connected with the ball and sent it straight into the giant guts of the Pontian keeper, and as Richard wished the earth would open up and swallow him, the laughter around the ground was deafening.. Even his daughter was seen laughing on the side lines. He slowly ran the return 100 meters, oblivious to the fact we had no keeper while the Pontian team attacked.

With Pontian having only 9 players we gave them Jason Ogden and Darren Brus to make up the numbers. After a scrappy first half the score was 2 - 0 Farm, with 2 hitting the post and 2 hitting the cross bar, and 11 lousy crosses.

ORANGES were eaten by all as Vinnie "discussed" how we should be playing soccer. The Farm ran riot in the 2nd half as the ball was pushed around and the Pontian players started to give up. Without the heroics of the huge Pontian keeper, who was seen eating
3 Big Macs at half time, the score could have been as high as 16. Again the post was hit twice along with a few Koalas. Our Japanese import "Kamakazi Mitsubishi" had a good game upon his return to the C's and lowered the average age of the midfield to under 40 and even managed to score.

Greg Brady saw lot of the ball but crossed it like a pregnant woman. It ended up 10-0 with Farm's Jonathon Brown getting another 4 and Vinnie, a lazy 3. You can see he's now trying to get top scorer back, as he refuses to pass the ball in front of goals. Nice effort by Jason, who played one of his best for the season, even if it was for the wrong team, and rumour has it he will be transferring to Gawler for the round 18 clash, for 2 bags of ORANAGES.

With no ref or Belly, Alex's dad took the whistle and turned in a top effort and nearly got as many touches as "Bling Bling Kanu". There was a special guest appearance from USHER on the sidelines who again came to watch his boyfriend Bling Bling. I did my bit and ran as linesman for our own forwards which gave me the pleasure of being abused from both teams at once.. nice effort guys. All I could do was look to the heavens and prey the rain was to hold off until I could get home to get the washing in! So it ended in a training run as everyone was trying to score from everywhere. No one wanted to shower as they all rushed off to watch the performance of GRAHAM ELRICK against NAB.

ROUND 16
INGLE FARM vs PAYNEHAM / POSTEL
WALKLEY PARK
SUNDAY, AUGUST 28th, 2005

The C Team entertain Payneham/Postel on a very warm winter/summers day. The change room was a buzz with excitement on rumours that GRAHAM ELRICK was coming down to watch the first half, even Mr Bean was there on time.

We had a squad of 14 but no Vinnie due to injury or suspension or both and Kingy were still in the B's keeping the average age up and the average height down. Bling Bling was soo excited he forgot to bring any socks, but he did remember to bring and wear his Port Power top like a real closet supporter.

As we all got kitted up and stretched out, our dreams were shattered when there was no sign of Graham and even worse, no sign of a game as the visitors only had 7 players. So another forfeit to us, which is enough to give us 2nd spot for the second year running now.

Good games by.. err no one... and the ORANGES were thrown out. With only 2 games to go.. next week we visit MACEDONIA.. some where in Europe Scotty tells me.. between Greece and Yugoslavia.. long trip boys.....And to top off a great Monday's report.. the POMS go 2-1 up in the Ashes series....